Portland Men's Roller Derby: Join Us!

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Portland Men's Roller Derby

Swing and a miss...

Solo defensive blocking is fun. Its also hard to do and often not nearly as effective as using the buddy system that people know as building walls in modern derby. Unfortunately, sometimes you partner wanders off to go look at the stegosaurus skeleton in the museum and you're left to fill up the track by yourself. Perhaps you just never had a partner, because your gear smells like a hot pocket full of garbage and despair, either way we'll assume you're all alone and have to stop that speedy bugger with the star...

Really there are three possible places where this is the case as a blocker, behind the pack, in the pack, and ahead of the pack. Here's how I've taken to approaching each scenario with mediocre success:

Behind the pack:
Maybe you're trapped, maybe you like to memorize the opposing team's names & numbers mid-jam, the point is, you are cut off from your teammates and have a job to do (other than getting out of that trap if thats the case... putz) so set up shop when that jammer is about 1/4 lap out.

You're allowed to be 20' away from the edge of the pack, so give yourself that space. Start as far back as you're allowed so you have a couple steps to get up to speed and match the pace of the jammer cruising by, if only for a second. If you're a lot better at positional blocking than I am, then that is an easy one to go for, the hard part is maneuvering yourself infront of the jammer, possibly taking a back-block in the process if you're really lucky. As I'm not the best booty blocker, I tend to bait the jammer to the inside line by leaving a tempting gap, then bodily stepping into the gap as they try for it, knocking them out and dragging them back to the 20' mark before moving. Some jammers will take the cut for the minor, others will refuse and try to come in behind you. Once they've lost their speed jammers are MUCH easier to deal with. Trying for a near-stationary lateral block as they go screaming by isn't gonna cut it, and probably hasn't for the last 2-3 passes. If and when the jammer gets past you (eventually their friends will come knock you out of the running) haul ass towards the front-inside of the pack and make a second try at them, it is surprisingly effective.

In the pack:
Why are you alone surrounded by people? Has the other team so successfully broken up your wall that they have also separated you like chicken parts? Are your teammates are all in the box cause they're more than just awkward touchy? Either way, no dynamic duo action for you, boy-wonder, so put on your big boy pants and get to work.

Hopefully the pack is moving at a decent clip. If it is at a near standstill and you don't have any room to take those couple steps to match pace for a second, you're kinda riding the failbus. Look behind you constantly, but be mindful of offensive blockers lining up to take you out of the equation when their speedy friend comes along. If you see the jammer taking an inside or outside path trough the pack, do your best to plug that exit, hopefully your teammates realize you're doing something and line up to help. Maybe you can even build that wall your coach has been screaming about since the whistle blew... Again, if you're beat, make an effort to get to the front, and by effort I mean sprint!

Ahead of the Pack:
Congratulations, you're winning the turtle race and are in front of the pack! Hopefully you're one of those clever blockers that looks behind them constantly, cause thats where the action is...

Infront I try and go for the opposite approach as the back, almost literally. I try and stay very close to the other opposing blockers at the front, giving me the full 20' to match pace and hopefully slow that jammer down. Positional blocking at the front is a HUGE asset, especially if you can actually plow stop and maneuver at the same time. Be mindful of the engagement zone and listen for your teammates (they can talk, right?) to shout a warning when you are out of play, or about to be. Maybe even call for one of those lazy bums to bridge for you. Knocking the jammer out in the front is great, especially if you can do it right as they approach the apex to try and draw a last-line cut, but not as easily done since they have a wide-open track ahead of them to maneuver into.


Finally, there is one other situation where solo blocking is particularly helpful, but not nearly as common. Hot jammer on jammer action! Jammers can engage each other anywhere on the track, and doing so is often a surprise for the unsuspecting opponent under the star. DeRanged of Rocky Mountain is a prime example. Her positional and impact blocking rival some of the best blockers in the country, something she uses to her advantage.

Good luck, don't go for the huge sweeping hit, and look behind you!

I jumped an apex yesterday...

Thats right, Tubby McFatsacks himself jumped the apex. Put that in your pipe and smoke it...

Sure, I cleared all of about 4' of distance, but I did it clean and it scored me lead jammer. Oh happy day!

The two Oregon men's derby teams (PMRD and LCC) are having our first ever official scrimmage on the 19th at the Pavilion in Salem, OR (HUGE thanks to CCDG for helping set that up!) from 11-2pm. People are allowed to come and watch, so if you're a person you should consider doing that. If you're a meat popsicle, then you're on your own... weirdo.

Rat City Scrimmage, practice, renegade, and too little sleep.

Had a whirlwind of misadventures since the last post, so some summarizing is in order...

Went to Bend, OR and skated in a renegade derby bout with Earl Slick, Speed Dealer, and Han Cholo from LCC and Hurt Vonnegut from CCDG whom I promised I would mention in this blog... so there you go, Hurt. She actually knocked me down for the first time at that bout, but being allowed to scissor kick does make things easier for her. The bout was VERY different that derby as I know and love it and it definitely took some getting used to. The track was about 1/2 the size, the jams only one minute, and the rules virtually non-existant. It was fun once I realized it didn't count as sports by my standards, and I definitely saw potential to pick up some bad habits mixing both styles of play.

Lots of practices between then and this weekend, where I have been slowly making progress improving the horror-show that is my form, and working on my hits. I had the unique joy of having a rib get popped out of place at an LCC practice (where that same rib was pounded 3 more times because someone didn't have sense enough to sit down...), but it got popped back in at practice the next week, and is almost completely back to normal now. So much fun...

On Saturday, Hotboxx, Stitches & Bones (both of STDD), and I drove to Seattle and played in the Rat City open scrimmage. We got there a bit late so the ladies opted to get the USARS day insurance that let them skate with the boys. We got to skate with several Rat City travel team skaters including Anya Heels, ReAnimate-her, and Carmen Getsome. Also, Puget Sound Outcast Derby was there in force, so I finally got to skate with the most established men's derby team on the West coast. Radillac, G. No-Evil, and all the rest of the PSOD crew were awesome skaters and very friendly. I'm definitely looking forward to skating with/against them at the Wild-West Showdown in March and possibly sooner than that for a scrimmage as well. Good times!

Teamwork: more than just socialist propaganda?

Another Monday night scrimmage come and gone with Lane County Concussion. They (LCC) scrimmage every Monday, often with a handful of women skating with us as well, which is cool until one of them skitters around you like you were standing still. Clearly the result of girls maturing faster than boys.

Getting to regularly skate with new people helps broaden your horizons and forces you to develop your book of derby lore beyond the limited chapters your team might subscribe to. It also means you have to create trust and understanding in a couple jams to avoid being decimated by those choads in the white shirts for the next hour and change. While some people have enough experience or are good enough at following quick instructions to instantly fill the gaps, others struggle to play like they are anything other than a team of one. This recent scrimmage was a good example. One team had a slightly better blocking lineup than the other, but was prevented from outright dominating the entire evening through solid communication and teamwork by the other blockers. When our team worked as a unit, life was good. When we devolved into four individuals each trying to take on the entire opposing line, not so much...

Cohesive play and strong communication are essential to successful pack play. Being able to collectively go from trapping for easy points to a kill-line when your jammer is in the box for blitzing someone in the tramp-stamp is critical and can mean the difference between an unfortunate 20 point swing and an annoying 60 second pace-line while your friend with the star sits in the corner and thinks about what they have done wrong. In my experience, guys seem to have a hard time with this concept. I have had moments of trapping someone in the back and having to physically grab blockers from my team like a deployed parachute to prevent them from chasing a blocker on our jammer at 20', all while yelling at them loud enough to cause permanent hearing damage in the next two generations of their offspring. It is mildly frustrating, kinda like safety lighters and child-labor laws. I have considered suggesting some sort of a ear-bud radio system, but then I would probably hear a bunch of grumbling about being too demanding or how that Buzzed guy is a loud douche. Obviously there is room for improvement here.

The beatings shall continue until morale improves!

So with the added skating (LCC & zebra with STDD on weekdays) comes added bruises, aches and pains. On Monday a 70-year old that skates for LCC, Merby Dick, and I got tangled in a pack midway through collapsing like a dying star and my arm ended up on the receiving end of one of his skates, as did my helmet. Don't worry, the helmet was ok... as was Merby, that dude is a tank.

Injury is probably the most feared aspect of the sport. PMRD has seen 3 skaters sidelined with injuries from practice alone. How do you play and avoid injury? As I understand it there are two major factors: training and luck. Unfortunately, you can only influence one of them, and I don't mean in the breaking mirrors kind of way. Everyone has to pass minimum skills to bout, and should be doing so to scrimmage as well. Some skaters I have spoken with about this has said that often minimum skills alone are not enough to make someone a safe skater. Sure, you can fall small when you're told to and are actively focusing on doing it, but what about when that refrigerator on wheels comes out of no-where and drops the hammer on you?

It takes a good bit of training to properly fall small when you are going down on someone else's terms. In my case I was promised a thorough beating topped off with no small amount of sprawl drills before I really learned my lesson and started turning into human origami when I felt the horizon start to shift. Even still I have my moments. Also, I had to change my view of taking a knee. I went from looking at is as admitting defeat or losing control to thinking of it as hitting a reset button. It should take less than a second to return to skating from a proper knee fall while that full on sprawl that you get for losing the fight with gravity will cost you a good 3+ seconds in many cases. That little difference in recovery time is all that their jammer needs to squirt by, or an opposing blocker to put the bad-touch all over your own fun-sized teammate sporting the star.

Hopefully your team/league is at a point where all your fellow skaters are as disciplined as you are, but thats not always the case. Other skaters are, oddly enough, your main source of face-plant fodder. Even when they're on your side a bad misstep can quickly result in the track punching you in the stomach. Worse still, when a teammate/opponent falls poorly they can trip others which quickly spreads like ripples in a pond until the whole pack is gut-surfing through turn 2. Skating with unsafe skaters who are participating beyond their skill level is often dangerous and you certainly should feel free to speak up to your coaches/teammates if you have concerns. Even the most seasoned skater still does minimal fall drills on occasion to keep skills sharp and check their form, so odds are you can benefit from them just as much as I can.

So get out there, lock those wheels, get the snot knocked out of you, and hit that floor... just practice doing so safely before hand.

2 Months Later...

So the alien abduction was a hoax, so I'm back with an update to briefly summarize the past 2 months:

I moved to Corvallis for grad school, skating semi-regularly with the Lane County Concussion team until my car decided to cook the motor. My landord plays on the Sick Town Derby Dames team, so I am eventually going to be refereeing in some capacity here. Once the motor is rebuilt then I'm going to be on a regular 4x/week derby schedule plus whatever outdoor skating I work in around class.

The last couple months have brought a few more new skaters at PMRD with our new guys moving along nicely. Unfortunately, our captain and league president (Carpe Demon) suffered a bad fibia spiral fracture at the end of our first coed scrimmage and will be recovering from the injury until February or so.

I got to play in RCR's coed scrimmage last weekend where I witnessed the shock and awe that was Quadzilla. Seriously, I think he is 3 people sharing the same space and time, he was that good. Great eye-opener to how far I have left to go, but I would be pretty content to achieve maybe 1/3-1/2 his skill.

Hopefully I'll be somewhat more timely in my updates, and the weekly remind from the new phone should help with that as well...